Fear not – we shall not eat your planet! We’ll never touch it, the reason being that we’ve already eaten it. You and the place you live in are, ahem… you’re what came out of the other side.
Tag Archives: digestion
I absolutely deny the accusation that I have eaten Mrs. Schwatrz. It is not only grossly erroneous, but also deeply insulting. I do not eat anything living. I despise your concept of vegetarianism, for what you call “plants” are also living beings. I am, in fact, an inanimatarian, which explains a lot about me, including the fact that I did not eat, could not have eaten, Mrs. Schwartz.
In fact, she ate me.
Admittedly, right after that my crypto-cells took hold of hers and digested her from the inside, but that’s legally irrelevant. What’s more, it was not an act of mine, as I did not exist at the time of that takeover, having been previously, as I’ve just mentioned, eaten by Mrs. Schwartz. Prosecuting me is just like prosecuting a newborn baby: not only illogical, but also monstrously unjust.
Therefore I ask this court to release me at once.
Has anyone here had lunch yet? No? Want a bite of me?